The Best Indian Confessions13 min read
Indian Confessions #1
Once upon a time, my room mate accidentally deleted his "Recycle Bin" icon from his desktop on his laptop( we were using Vista that time). He panicked, and headed over to his friend's place with his pen-drive. He copied the "Recycle Bin" icon from his computer into the pen-drive, came back to his room and copied back the "Recycle Bin" icon onto his laptop's desktop. He got placed in Oracle later.
Why not just deploy everything. RIP
Indian Confessions #2
Before coming to IIT, I wanted to be an scientist. After spending 2 fruitful years, my life has undergone radical transformation. Now i dream of becoming a porn star. i feel its the most satisfying job in the world. For the past 60 years, IIT have grossly neglected the porn industry, as a result, the industry has not developed to its full potential.I want to be a pioneer and introduce some path-breaking changes.
We were the ones who created Kamasutra and yet we don't have indigenous websites which can challenge the mighty "naughty america". From my months of research on desi videos, i have found that indians don't show grace and elegance in bed. I need to change these doggy habits.
Before it becomes to too late, i need to revive the aesthetic sense of people. But I don\'t know how to tell my parents ( Papa,i will be earning less but i will be happy and i will never complain about it.) Social taboo associated with the job is my biggest obstacle. Despite living in an enlightened age, we don't give respect and dignity to porn-stars.
Saala Dekhte sab hai par koi acknowledge nahi karta..#IITB-CSE(PG)
Indian Confessions #3
I'm watching my favorite show (Koffee With Karan ;)) on TV, when the phone rings.
There's a agitated lady on the phone.
Lady: "Hello? BSNL? My phone has not been working for...."
Me (interrupting) : "I think you have the wrong number"
Lady: "Oh! I'm sorry..."
and I hang up the phone. 3 seconds later, it rings again. It's the same lady.
Lady: "Hello? BSNL? My phone is not working..."
Me: "Ma'am, the number you are dialing is the wrong number!", and hang up the phone.
I return to the TV show. It's a juicy episode with Rakhee Savant, and she's bitching about Kareena. And the phone rings again.
Lady: "Hello? BSNL? Listen, don't play games with me, OK? I know this is the right number. Don't try to avoid me. Do you know who I am?"
I realized that this lady was not going to let me watch the show unless someone listened to her complaint.
Me: "Welcome to BSNL's automated fault booking service. To continue in English, press one."
The lady had actually pressed the '1' on her dial pad. Interesting. I thought I'd have some fun.
Me: "To register a complaint, please press the last 5 digits of your Driving License number after the beep. BEEP"
I can hear the lady furiously rummaging through her bag looking for her Driving License. After a while
She had actually found it pretty fast.
Me: "Because of all the SPAM we have been receiving, we will now perform a check to see if you are human. Please enter the result of 35 multiplied by 4 divided by 12"
I can hear the lady shouting out to someone in the background.
Lady: "Prakash, quick! What is 35 times 4 by 12?"
Prakash: "What? Why do you need that?"
Lady: "I'm registering a complaint for our dead phone"
Prakash (sounding somewhat confused): "But why would you need..."
Lady: "JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION"
Prakash: "err..it's...aaaa...elevent point....errr..."
The lady actually enters 1-1 on the dial pad.
Me: "Your complaint has been registered. Thank you for calling BSNL"
The lady sounds pleased. I can hear her speaking to "Prakash"
Lady: "I like BSNL. They have such a high tech system. They didn't even have to ask me for the number of our landline that is dead. Cool!
Indian Confessions #4
My best friend always used to be in a financial crisis as he got minimal amount of money to spend for one month. He wholeheartedly rejected every single time I tried to offer him some cash. Once he had a very bad ligament tear during a football match and ran out of money in the hospital. He called his sister and asked for 1500 Rs to pay his debts which unluckily got stolen the next day from his room.
He was so tensed that he cried like a baby. It really hurt me. Next day, when he was out of his room, I managed to enter his room and quietly kept the same amount in the drawer of his study table. He couldn't believe it. But it really felt great to see him smile.
This was 2 years ago and now both of us are working in the same finance company. One morning, I found an envelope with a dairy milk chocolate on my table. I opened it. There was a cheque of 1500 Rs. signed by him with a note that said, "Thank you Brother. You mean a lot to me !
Indian Confessions #5
Must read this post... you will end up laughing..
This can happen only in Mumbai... no where else.. Read on..
Only local train passengers in Mumbai will know how helpful other commuters in trains try to be. Last week, a hapless victim fell prey to the over-enthusiastic Mumbai's Local train commuter.
Our hero, a man from Pune, wanted to go to Matunga, but as luck and trains would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination. He panicked on realizing his mistake but by then the local had started moving. On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his rescue.
It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train for past 6 years and had noticed that the train always slowed just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail's pace while passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it safely on terra firma.
However, knowing the man's inexperience, he added some words of caution : "Keep running the moment you jump or you will fall. Just keep running." He stressed the word "running" lest the man not know the laws of motion.
The train slowed down just before Matunga Station and at the prompting of his mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if all hell had broken loose.
What he didn't realize, of course, was that he was running parallel to the train instead of running away from it. Meanwhile, the train slowed down further, so that the man was running faster than the train. In the process, he reached the door of the next compartment and the foot board commuters there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train.
To this agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he told them that they had actually undone what he had done with great difficulty.
Those standing at the door of his "ex-compartment" had witnessed the whole drama and just couldn't stop laughing at the poor man's situation, while he grinned sheepishly...!!!!
Indian Confessions #6
"I was a backlogger with absolutely no interest in studies. I stayed in IITB for almost 8 years suffering the arrogance of moronic profs... at the same time I was consistently ranked in the world's top 20 bridge players, and the top 5 scrabble players in India. In those days I routinely raked in Rs 30k a month (in those days it was worth 2x-3x today's rate) just participating and winning various inter-college lit fests & local bridge tournaments.
I also wrote IIM-CAT for 6 straight years and got calls from all 6 IIMs which I had to turn down because of the backlogs. I realized I don't need this degree or this education... today I am a well known worldwide highly ranked scrabble and bridge player. I earn 7 figures and don't have to brush, shave, wear a suit or do anything useful in general. Do what you love, don't become a corporate whore."
Indian Confessions #7
"I see a lot of my juniors confessing about love , sex , make outs awesum college life .i want to confess something else .
1.I joined heritage in its initial batches .i was very introvert and was a ragged a hell lot . A belt was tied around neck i was made to roam around the college in my first day .When i complained to my dad he thrashed me saying that i was a loser and wasting his hard earned money .( he hoped that i was in IIT).I felt liked being raped that day .not by my college seniors but by my dad.
2.i got a very low grade in my first semester because i was pressurized by my dad to appear for IIT again . i Got a severe thrashing from him again .my mom somehow rescued me.
3. In second semester i mustered up enough courage to propose to my best friend but she rejected me because in her words ""she didnt wanted to be ridiculed by her friends "". she stopped talking to me after that .i was heart broken as she and my mom were the only people i shared everything with.
4.during the 4th semester break , while i was returning home after teaching a student . i got a phone call informing me that my mom had expired . my world came crashing that day . I cried for for days on end and somehow picked myself up as i had no other alternative
5. My attendance fell very low that semester and i was summoned by the principal . when i told him about my mothers death he replied "" i hear this lie everyday .please bring me the death certificate if u have one ."" Then while i was leaving he told me "" no need to bring death certificate , useless guys like u can even fake that .call your dad ""
6. my frnds always ridiculed me because i was loser .i dint laugh at their jokes .to mix with them i started drinking .i dint like the taste but liked the high . i often used to act drunk to appear more cool .i learned to call girls ""magi "" but never knew its real meaning . that helped me survive college
7. was the campussing day , i got rejected that day again .hoped to make it to the next company .but was unsucessfull till the and of campussing . i had tried a lot . attended English speaking classes (my English was horrible) , brought new pair of shirt . when my dad heard this he told me not to call again and this time i didnt feel remorse or regret for him . for the ntire night i contemplated suicide but couldn't as i had promised my mom that i will shine one day .
8 . i started doing private tutiions and preparing for CAT.i gave my everything . I got 99.87 percentile but couldnt make it again to a big IIM because of my low grades .What had i done now to deserve this ? i felt . I finally got admitted into decent college and a helpful bank manger arranged for loan .
9. After passing out i got into volvo eicher as a junior manager . i dint last for 3 months because i couldnt lick my boss s boot properly .My service was terminated because of being inefficient .
10. i started making i phone apps in my leisure time while i was applying to a few companies .Slowly i took it up as a more serious start up . got hold of 2 more friends like me who were from cs background and were unable to find a job .
11. in 2011 i made a small office .by the end of 2011 i had a small group of 8 engineers working with me . In 2012 we bagged several contracts from companies like mobiquity , exxon mobile and the workforce increased to 80 developers .in march 2013 i will be applying for turnover of over 5 crores.
I dont know how to thank god for his blessings . i thank that senior who ragged me in my first day at college, that girl who dumped me , my professors who ridiculed me , the numerous friend who though i was a loser . it is you who gave me the courage , the fire , the anger to succeed against all odds . seriously no hard feelings guys , u made me what i am . i dont stay with my dad but i send him enough so that he can lead a comfortable life .
My advise to all juniors .shine in life .When a loser like me can why cant u?.never let people say u cant do it . many people might have faced similar or more lows in college life but NEVER EVER give up . Let not a broken relationship , failed grade ,lost job opportunity or ""status"" among friends define you . And never lose faith in humanity in goodness .there a few bad people but there are a lot more good people around here . I met a lot of good people,professors in my college .and believe me heritage taught me a lot.
Indian Confessions #8
"Yesterday, while travelling by metro i was a silent spectator to this very hilarious incident.
A very well dressed pretty northeastern girl boarded at Central Secretariat and sat right beside me, some group of behenji's(prejudiced women) flocked around her, making all indecent comments, i was annoyed but i waited to see if anything interesting would happen. Those behenji's then, in pathetic English asked her,
where are you from?
She smiled and said 'Nagaland'...
The girls, talking among themselves..
*'yeh to Phoren se hai yaar', 'uski choti choti ankhon ko dekho', 'India me kya kaam hai', 'woh wali business hogi'...
(*Translation - "She is from foreign", "Look at her tiny tiny eyes" "What is her work in India", "She must be in that kinda business")
The whole journey was filled with insults from these girls, but she never paid heed, if i were her i would have taught these girls a good lesson, i wondered if she didn't understand Hindi...
To my amazement, she took out a notebook and pen from her bag, and wrote in perfect Hindi..
'nagaland bhi India mein hi hain, map kharid ke do kya?',
(Translation - Nagaland is also in India, Should i purchase a map and give it to you)
handed it over to the girls with a warm smile and got off at vishwavidyalaya. I couldn't stop laughing and admiring the girl for her patience and wit.
Indian Confessions #9
I read this on the page 18+ Confessions. Definitely ROFL material.. and the comments on the posts are something to Laugh out loud for.
During lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my b.f seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my b.f was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence, when my b.f returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused: "Happy Birthday"..
Credit: What is the best Indian confession you have ever read on a Facebook page?
I am Chillar Anand. I daydream a lot and write about the things that interest me here. You can read more about this blog here.